so that wasnt chicken after all
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
