What a fucking waste of an outfit
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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