I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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