I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
