He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
