Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
