my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
