I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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