It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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