I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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