Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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