it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize