everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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