and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
