I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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