erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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