my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
