I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize