Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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