is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
