So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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