mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
honey bunches of taint.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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