I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
