Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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