we have officially lost it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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