I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
