Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize