I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
