I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
