yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
