Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
