R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
whose ass print is on the piano?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm too high and old for this...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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