i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
