You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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