Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
