Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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