It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
