I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
