Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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