your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
