Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
