is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
