I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we're chasing vodka with high fives
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
