I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize