Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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