he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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