Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
