Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
