My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
