I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Randomize
