Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he puts the penis in happiness.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
