Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
how does that bad decision feel?
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