You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
