i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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