In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
