That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
