phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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