You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
