yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
