You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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