I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
