Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
