I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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