I'm going to jail i love you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
