You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
