Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The ass gains better be worth it
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