i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize