kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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