glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
