I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
