In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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