you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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