the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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