U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
