Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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