i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
