After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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