Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
