How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You can't motorboat a personality
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
