I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
