Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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