Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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