oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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