Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am spending my child support on dildos
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
