Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
