is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
