I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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