Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
