I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
