I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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