for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
