"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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