i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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