i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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