i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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