Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
